I love this website my best friend and I made. I am proud of the people we are growing up to be and all the crap and all the beauty that has pushed us here. We started our 'blog' as a little tumblr page in the middle of the night in my apartment over 5 years ago when I barely made enough money to feed myself... but it didn't matter because I was living. I was discovering, I was messing up, I was loving, I was raw. I believed in myself and I felt big things stirring.
Somehow in the whirlwind of my mid-twenties I have buried, and buried, and buried myself. I have suppressed myself. I have sacrificed my true character and passion for the sake of 'making a living', 'stability', 'normality'.
And truly, I just miss myself.
I spend so much time writing words for other people, reading words by other people, that I have subconsciously pushed down my own thoughts, dreams, WORDS. I hustle all day long, nonstop, until the time comes to sleep and ALL my romantics and dreams rush to the surface begging for my attention ... but I tell them 'No. Not tonight, try again tomorrow.'... and I store myself away for another day.
Ultimately I am grateful for the opportunities I've experienced in my career, I truly love my job and the work ethic I have built, but tonight I am breaking. And it's okay to have nights where we feel broken. I have always vowed to use this space for honesty, so here I am. I am happy but I am sad. In the words of 'Sing Street' I am Happy-Sad. My favorite part of myself hasn't seen the light much in months and has tirelessly clawed her way out to this very moment. She says hello and she misses you. She is going to try to stick around... and I'm going to try to let her.
Hope to talk soon. Thanks for your love and support through my good and bad.