1 In Spice

the type i swore wasn't

kaykayblaisdell_poem
i hate when i turn into the girl that is like:

"we don’t have to call it anything if you don’t want to" type
the one that pretends “i can just keep it casual till you're ready because i’m not either” type
it can just be "something special between us and no one needs to know" type
or the "i know it’s not a good idea but please just stay the night” type
and then tell my friends “we don’t need to define it because we are honest with each other” type
or “he’s just so busy with work and can only hang out with me at night” type
repeating "i promise he's different with me" type

but really you just want to scream
can’t you just stay to get coffee in the morning?” type
i’m aching to write you into a poem, but scared i’ll never let you go” type
if we keep this up, i’m going to fall in love with you” type
please don’t get into my head, i’ll never get you out” type
telling my friends "I know it's bad for me but you can't help who you like” type
or “I think I’ll be the one to change his mind”  type

but “please tell me i’m your type” type
"because i’m starting to really like you” type
and i don’t want this to end” type
are you sure you don’t want to do this anymore?” type
but what about everything you said?” type
don’t tell me you would if you could” type
don’t tell me the timing just isn’t right” type
i know you didn’t want a relationship, but i thought with me you might” type
"how could you say things you don't mean?" type
i guess i’ll write about this almost something but means nothing to you” type
but “please tell me i’m not crazy and that you liked me, right?” type
i’ll pretend i don’t care because i’d rather have you in my life” type
i’ll tell myself "maybe we’ll meet again when the timing is right” type
wait “why do i believe your excuses” type
how could i be so god damn stupid” type

“i became the girl i said i hated…again” type.

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1 Comment

  • Olivia Kaye Losoya
    February 20, 2017 at 4:43 pm

    Girl, yes. This is exactly what I needed to read. This is beautiful and so true.

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